Morphing Mates-Grow But Don't Change Who You Are

People change. A new born becomes a toddler, a child, a teenager, and becomes an adult. So, is it over then? Once we hit puberty does our evolution as humans stop? As we continue to live and experience new things, we often change what we do and what we believe about some things. These changes may lead to an overall change in WHO WE ARE.  If this metamorphosis occurs after you are married or in a serious relationship it could mean trouble for you and your mate.

I read an interesting article on WebMD about how unhappy relationships are bad for your physical health, as well as, your mental well-being. As I read through the article I began to wonder how the same two people that fall madly in love and pledge to live together in harmony often end up at war.  Well, many times it is because the same two people are not in the relationship anymore.

The Belief Debacle
You have heard me say a million times over that I am a Jesus girl through and through. It does not matter how smart, fine, rich, sexy, outstanding a man may be. We cannot rock together if he does not WHOLLY believe in salvation from Christ, the blood of Jesus, and the power of the Holy Ghost.  So, half way through the relationship you decide you want to worship colored glass or become a disciple of Yeezus. You cannot expect me to remain happy in that relationship. You are not the same person. I did not pledge my love to a follower of Yeezus, I said JESUS!

The Physical Fiasco
Ladies, this is a rather important one for the fellas. We all know that six-packs soften and perky boobs sag. No reasonable person expects his/her mate to look the same through twenty or thirty years of marriage. HOWEVER, you need to stay fundamentally the same in physical stature of WHO YOU ARE. Here's what I mean:   If you were weight conscious and fit when you married, he does not expect you to gain a hundred pounds and decide that having children makes it okay for you to change your entire body structure. The same goes in reverse. If you know he likes  "big women" and you decide to drop 150 pounds you cannot expect him to still be on fire for you.  Without strong communication and understanding this could lead to a side-chick scenario.  Men, you aren't off the hook. If you were fresh to death when we got together, staying lined up and smelling good, you cannot decide to morph into an unkempt mess of a man with a homemade hairline and ashy knee caps.

The Ambition Break Down
We shared an ambition to be and do "something great".  Five years later I'm climbing the latter to the dream and you are lying on the couch daydreaming. Houston, we have a problem!  Let me be clear. This is not a reference to the senior partner at a law firm who decides to be a stay-at-home mom or the corporate executive that decides he wants to start a non-profit to help children. Those are changes in WHAT you do, not WHO you are. We have to continue to share common goals in order for us to work together. That means you have to actually have a goal of your own. The ones that appear on NFL Sunday Ticket do not count.

The Morphing Mate
In the spirit of full disclosure I have been guilty of this. So my apologies to my exes and complexes.  The Morphing Mate is the very reason I say that a person must know WHO they are before commingling life with someone else. So, we love each other.  I love (almost) everything about you. You are the man of my dreams - then my dreams change.  It is not your fault. You are exactly who I asked you to be, but now I have changed and I do not want those things anymore. Uh Oh! The morphing mate is usually the death of the relationship.

Did you read this post and realize you have a morphing mate? Do not get too nervous yet. A new person does not just appear in the bed next to you overnight. (If so, you need to call a doctor immediately.) Morphing takes place over a period time and experience.  To avoid the "surprise" appearance of a fully morphed mate, couples should regularly communicate with one another and discuss their thoughts on life, love, and living together in harmony. Now go talk about it!

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