Do I Have Trust Issues?

All relational interactions require trust. You trust others without even thinking about it. We trust our employers to actually pay us on payday after working our hours for the week. We trust the electric company to keep our lights on if we pay our bill.  I trust my puppy not to pee on the floor if I let her roam around the kitchen. TRUST! It is a necessity in all relationships but never as big an issue as in romantic relationships. If you do not have the ability to trust then you probably will not survive in a relationship. Romantic relationships (dating/marriage) can survive without money.  These relationships can survive without health.  Ironically, many "romantic" relationships continue in longevity without  love.  However, relationships cease to exist without an ability to trust.

What is trust?  Merriam-Webster defines trust as an "assured reliance on the character, ability, strength or truth of someone or something." When we decide to enter into a relationship with someone we have already actively (or subconsciously) decided to trust them to do what is good for the relationship. No woman in her right mind stands at the altar and thinks, "He is going to cheat on me for the rest of my life."  When a man thinks that the woman standing across from him is going to take him for everything he has in his possession. If we trust each other then everything else in the relationship is workable.

So here is a scenario... He cheated on you. He lied to you about cheating. He lied to you about money. At some point in your relationship,  he has lied to you concerning just about everything of importance to you.  You no longer believe a single, solitary syllable that comes from his lips.  You no longer trust him.

Do you have trust issues?  HELL NO!!!  Does he relationship have trust issues? Absolutely! 

Look at the definition of trust again.  It says an "assured" reliance.  If he/she has broken the "assured" and you no longer trust him/her YOU do not have trust issues. He/She has character issues or truth issues or some other aspect of that definition inside of trust is broken.  It is NOT your ability to trust that is broken.  When someone gives you a clear reason to doubt your reliance on their character, ability, strength, etc, you would be foolish to blindly trust them. They have proven to be untrustworthy and need to rebuild that trust.

Having trust issues means you have an inability to trust. So, if you move on from this particular relationship and immediately start holding another person responsible for the actions of this dishonest person, THEN you have trust issues. You may choose to remain in a relationship with a liar, manipulator, or cheater with a proven track record of not being trustworthy.  If he has not put in the work to prove himself again into "assured" then why would you trust him?  You may have forgiveness issues but you certainly do not have trust issues.  So trust yourself and your judgement. Make him/her earn your trust again.

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