Keep the "Bitches" Out: 5 Women to Exclude From Your Sister Circle

Ladies, I am coming off a a fantastic week of sisterly love and bonding. There is absolutely nothing more empowering, cleansing, and filled with gut-wrenching, cheek pounding laughter than spending time with positive, loving, kind affirming women.
Impromptu sister circles form among like-minded women

Sister circles are important to your personal development. Every woman should be able to experience a sister circle that loves her, supports her, and speaks truth so she can grow and progress as a woman.  The women in your sister circle should be loving, kind and not judgmental.  The women in your sister circle do not have to be your best friends. They do not even have to be women that you have known for a long period of time.  In fact, one of the most powerful sister circle experiences a woman can have is with women you have just met.

The sister circle is the place where I can sit down and simply say, "Girl" and everyone in the circle knows what I mean. It is a circle filled with truth, love, and acceptance. No one in the sister circle is envious, competitive or armed with insult.  We are all there for a single reason. The love and support of women.  I can share my victories without jealousy and my failures without judgement. When I walk away from my sister circle, I am rejuvenated.

However, in order for a sister circle to function properly you need to guard it from negative energy and influences.  Ladies, I'm gonna say it the only way I now how - keep those nasty, gossipy, competitive, evil, slick-talking "bitches" out of your sister circle.   So here are five women to exclude and include in your sister circle experience.

Exclude: The "real bitch" who will tell you the truth about you even if it hurts.
Include:  The woman who will share the truth about her so it might help you.

Exclude: The "bad bitch" who says women and men are intimidated by her success.
Include: The woman who has achieved greatness in her own right and wants others to achieve theirs.

Exclude: The "loner bitch" who says she doesn't mess with a lot of woman because THEY are petty Include: The woman who appreciates the love and energy of a group of women though she may have a small inner circle

Exclude: "Bitches with Attitude" who are combative and always challenge the opinions of others
Include:   Women who know how to respect the opinion of others while expressing a difference

Exclude: "THAT Bitch" who has the perfect relationship, perfect children, perfect life. 
Include:  Real women who are thankful for the blessings and share the struggles

Believe me! The above "bitches" are real terms that I have heard women call themselves in an effort to stake a position among the group.  In general a sister circle should exclude all "bitches".  Though many of us may at some point consider ourselves a "bad bitch", "real bitch" or "THAT bitch" the sister circle is not place for the alpha expression. It is a place of love, support, and encouragement and I , for one, am so glad I can find it anywhere I go. Can you?

Smiling Through Clenched Teeth

Mother Teresa said, "Peace begins with a smile".  She probably should have added the word "authentic".  Peace begins with an AUTHENTIC smile, a smile that means "I forgive you" or "I'm okay".  However, a smile through clenched teeth creates just the opposite effect in the long run.

Women are notorious for minimizing our feelings to placate the world around us. After all, as little girls we are taught to "be nice" "play fair" and get along with others. That's what little girls are made of, right? Sugar and spice and everything nice. So after decades of smiling through clenched teeth when sad or angry, little girls grow up to be passive aggressive women.

Guys, you know it.  What word you do not want to hear your woman say because you know it has a hidden meaning? "Fine."   You did something that you know upset her and she simply says, "I'm fine."  You tell her you are going out with the guys on Friday and she says, "That's fine." You think she maybe getting tired of your antics so you try to reel her back in and she says "we're fine."  BEWARE of the "FINE".  It's simply a carryover from our upbringing.  We are being polite and trying to keep the peace.  At least that what we tell ourselves, but the guys know better. Don't you?  Men have figured out that "fine" is a stick of dynamite with a long fuse.  One day for seemingly no reason at all, it will blow up on you.

Ladies, we have to learn to own our emotions. When you are happy, say you're happy. When you're angry, say you're angry.  It is going to require some work because we've been socialized that our feelings are not as important as the feelings of those we love. We smile through clenched teeth to keep the peace but in the end it incites a riot.  As authentic as I have made my world and as transparent as I live my life, even I...yes me, recently had a "play nice" moment.  But it's empowering to say, "I'm not fine." Hopefully, the person on the other end of that is loving and sweet and can understand what you mean. (Otherwise, get rid of him--but that's another post.)

On that note, guys you have to stop being lazy/afraid.  I'm not going to say you need to pay attention because you know damn well when your lady is upset and hurting. However, you are not willing to address the issue because you do not want the conflict. Heaven forbid! There might be tears!!!  I know, but you gotta man up and handle it. Trust me.  Women say "I love you".  Men DO "I love you".  If you take the time to listen and understand and turn that "I'm fine" into an "I'm good" its like saying "I LOVE YOU" from the highest mountain top.  For those of you afraid of the L-word.  It's like saying "I like you a lot" too.  It means you care enough about the relationship to keep it moving forward.  Besides, you know a clenched jaw doesn't open. (*wink *wink)

We live in a world where everyone is smiling through clenched teeth.  But, "home" should be a place of transparency. It should be a place where you can express how you feel. Even if you do not get the response you wanted, the self-empowerment of owning your emotions is so rewarding that everything else is a bonus - whipped cream on top.