Love in Ruins
So let's examine this. Love is patient. Love is kind. It does not envy or boast and it is not proud. It does not dishonor others and it is not self-seeking. It keeps no record of wrongs. As I quickly reflect on the definition of love, I do not see anything that could potentially harm me, let alone leave me in ruins.
Now, I have certainly had some relationships that took a pretty big toll on me. But I cannot blame that on love. Love is not to blame for the brokenness I felt when I failed to change a man into what I thought he could potentially be. In fact, based upon the definition of love i.e., patient and kind, one could argue that I was either 1) too impatient to wait for change or 2) not kind enough to accept him as he was. Either way, I clearly did not love him. I loved the potential him that I was trying to create. Ladies, you know we are quick to fall in love with a guy's "potential". Can I get an amen?
With regard to Fitz and Olivia - love does not dishonor others. Uh-oh! As much as Mellie gets on my nerves, the relationship between Fitz and Liv is one big slap in her face. God is the creator of love and He is not the author of confusion. So, when you do love someone it will not be at a time that either one of you is in a position to behave in a dishonorable way. Love is not self-seeking so if you see something (someone) you want that belongs to someone else do not go after it - until it is available for you. How confusing would life be if God kept hooking up "soul mates" who were hooked to other people? We would be one big ol' chain of foolery. No! When love (God) comes into your life, it develops in peace and rejoices in truth. You cannot rejoice in truth as secret lovers.
"But Kamryn, I know I love him and he loves me. Our timing is off but I know he is my soul mate."
Listen, I feel you and I feel for you. You are correct, YOUR timing is off, but God's timing is never off and God is what? LOVE. If you truly believe that this is love based upon the definition of what love is - then be patient. Love always protects, always trusts, always hopes and always perseveres. Do not adulterate (no pun intended) your love by making it dishonorable. Trust in love to bring you back to each other if it is real. Love never fails! God uses the foolish things to shame the wise and I am not even going to try to figure it out. I learned enough through David and Bathsheba to know that God has a way of doing things with love that we do not understand. So I will never pass judgement.
HOWEVER, I will provide you will compelling truth. Love does not leave you in ruins. If you are in a relationship and you feel ruined, harmed, hurt or ashamed, it is not love. Relationships have challenges- financial, physical, emotional and otherwise. But during those times, you should not feel ruined by the love in the relationship, you may feel hurt by the circumstance but love fills you with hope. Love is facing a stack of bills together, holding my hair while I throw up, and allowing me to comfort you when you are hurting. Love is not a feeling. Love is a state of being. Love perseveres. It is never left in ruins.