Teach Me How To Love


"Teach Me How to Love" by Musiq Soulchild is one of my favorite songs.  The first line is "I was always told the true definition of a man is to never cry". He goes on to say that he doesn't know how to surrender his heart to love. He knows his relationship is broken and misaligned but he really does not know what to do to love his woman the way she needs to be loved.

Kamryn Adams
This is a tricky situation for the ladies because we love harder and stronger in a more demonstrative way and often want this same demonstration in return. Do men love us hard and strong?  They most certainly do. But the demonstration of that love can be clouded by experiences from the past or even messages and circumstances from their upbringing. Believe it or not ladies, a man's ability to handle emotional pain and disappointment is nowhere close to ours.

You can give a man almost everything he asks of you, food, strength, shelter, sex, confidence, laughs, intellectual conversation but the one thing you cannot give him is the ability to love with courage.  Loving with courage means that we have faith in the power of the relationships, not necessarily in the person.  Though that line is thin and blurry.  We can often confuse our belief in our relationship destiny with the belief that the person will never hurt us.  That's not a promise in any relationship.  A good friend recently said, "We are not perfect people so there are no perfect relationships." True!

The truth is that our ability to love comes from God because God is love.  In the book of John, the bible says "There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love."  We sometimes fear in love because we know that we are not perfect. Women and men alike can have this fear. But, men have a harder time dealing with it by nature.

We also fear in love because we fear retribution from our past. "...fear has to do with punishment."  We are afraid that because our relationship started a certain way or because of the way we have treated relationships in the past that we are in for our "just due".  But if you truly love someone then you must have the courage to move into love...in faith.  Faith that God, who is love, will keep you and the relationship whole and full of joy.

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