Becoming One is Not Always Fun

I once heard someone say that building a relationship is like making mashed potatoes.  You take two different potatoes with different shapes and sizes and the first thing you do is scrub them until all of the dirt and debris is removed.  Then you peel off the skin one slice at a time.  At this point the two potatoes are starting to look alike.  After you have washed and skinned them, then you place them in boiling hot water until they soften.  And once they soften up, you take a mallet and smash, smash, smash them together under pressure until you can't tell that there were ever two different potatoes in this one smooth mixture.
Becoming ONE is like making mashed potatoes

"Oneness" take a lot of work.  It certainly feels sometimes like you are being scrubbed, skinned, boiled, and smashed by the trials in relationships and so it's important to remember that every successful relationship has been in hot water and smashed under the pressure. In fact, I've found that couples who seem "perfect for each other" who have magical relationships are simply on the other side of a storm.  They are still hand in hand and whether or not they FEEL head over heels in love, they are true to the commitment they have made to their relationship despite the troubles inside and outside of their sphere.

When you are going through the "oneness" cycle, it can be tough. This is usually the time when your heart feels very little and your mind wants to become disengaged in coupling.  The answer is not to force yourselves together and "make" it work.  Instead, try taking a "breather" first.  This doesn't mean that you need to physically separate, but you certainly need to go to your separate corners mentally and think about why you are together.  During this time do not focus on your mate and your individual wants and needs. During this time, you should focus on the collective vision for your lives.  Where do you want to live? Do you want to take vacations? Work in the community? Drive fast cars? Or host backyard barbecues?  Think about the kind of life you want and how the two of you can build it together.  Whenever I am ready to dive head first off the relationSHIP, I think about how I want to visit and spoil my grandchildren one day. I want to sunset in happy times and drive a 2-seater convertible so young people can wonder why such an old woman has such a flyy car.  And when I am thinking on all of these things, guess what?  I am not alone in my vision. I'm with my mate laughing with wrinkled hands clasped together.  His presence is evident in my future dreams.

Thinking past the current moment of being in "hot water" helps you keep the big relationship picture in perspective.  A critical component of "oneness" is to always have a vision of the future together.  Until you "catch" the vision, you are only as good as the current day - which sometimes might feel like you're a smashed potato.

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