Is He (or She) Toxic?

Author Lillian Glass, wrote a book called Toxic Men.  I recommend any woman who is addicted to an unhealthy relationship to read the book, understand its content, and change your behavior.  Toxic men have a combination of four traits:

#1 Cause negative emotions in you
#2 Behave badly towards you
#3 Affect your behavior in a negative way
#4 Lower your self-esteem

By Sara Apples

He causes negative emotions in you

All men can get on your nerves at times, but if you find yourself in a constant state of emotional flux you need to pause and consider what the relationship is doing to your psyche and wellness.  My experience with the toxic man caused me great unrest.  I was either really happy or in great pain. It was exhausting. The percentage of time I left his home with a large pit in my stomach and tears in my eyes far outweigh the times I left with a good feeling about our relationship.  But I loved him and I wanted to make it work.  Finally, my emotions became so erratic that I didn't recognize myself.  I knew the relationship was unhealthy for me but I couldn't bring myself to end it.  The memory of the good times (and the incredible sex)  pulled me back, only to end up crying and questioning the relationship once again.  It was a vicious cycle. 

He behaves badly towards you 

We are human and we sometimes hurt each other unintentionally, but constant bad behavior warrants an immediate dismissal.  My toxic man was very critical of me. He minimized my intelligence (as if) and demeaned my womanhood because of my strong personality.  He tried to control me by setting "rules" for phone behavior and selecting my friends.  He lied. He cheated. He schemed. I was blinded by the big "O" and made dumb by the achievement of finding my G-spot.  But eventually even Lebron fouls out and I had to say "Buh-Bye" to Bad Boy. 

He affects your behavior in a negative way

The toxic man caused me to behave in ways I previously found to be unacceptable.  From tapping his phone line to shelling out hundreds of dollars for a private investigator, I felt like I had lowered myself to be with him. Actually, just being with him was a betrayal of my values.  It was demeaning and I felt embarrassed by my behavior.  I'd rather skip the rest of the details on this one. 

He lowers your self-esteem
Okay, so it's no secret I think pretty highly of who God has made me and I like who I am as a person.  So fortunately, the toxic man was not able to lower my self-esteem. Although I did question my true esteem for staying in an unhealthy relationship as long as I did.  A woman can forget how capable she is because a toxic man has duped her into believing that she is worthless without him. 

I felt powerless to end this relationship until one day I simply bottomed out.  It took a few more weeks but I finally just hung up the phone one day and moved on. Sometimes, I think of  the fun we had and the intense romance. It makes me smile. Then I quickly remind myself of the intense pain I felt on so many occasions.  My parents raised a princess, not a piƱata.   

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