Yo Mama is So...

As a mother of two sons, it absolutely warms my heart to watch NCAA football and hear a big ol' lineman say "Hi Mom" into the camera.  During March Madness the sight of a nervous mother biting her nails and saying prayers while her "baby" is at the free throw line is endearing.  Boys love their mothers and for that I am very grateful. BUT...

Allen Iverson and his mother, Ethel
When you win the NBA Finals or the Super Bowl, I don't want to see you holding your mother's hand on the court. You are a grown ass man and at this point in your life your mother should be the foundation of who you have become, not the foreground of who you are. As a fully grown, bill-paying, baby-making man I don't want to see you holding your mother's hand unless you are leading her somewhere NOT her leading you down the tunnel like a five year old. If your mother is young enough to be in the club with you and sleeping with your teammates, I'm going to need her to sit it down and I need you to lead that effort.

Who is Tom Brady's mama? We know about Giselle and Bridget Moynahan but have you ever seen his mother. Is she running around screaming about her baby.  Does she think his moment in the spotlight is her time to shine. Nope! The only reason we have ever seen Peyton and Eli's mama is because she's married to Archie Manning. The only reason we see him so much is because he was a quarter back too and the story is an amazing illustration of talent.

Donovan McNabb and his mother, Wilma
Around the age of three both of my sons told me that when they grow up they were going to marry me. At which point I immediately corrected them. "I am Daddy's wife. You have to get your own wife."  They've been level set since then.   This pervasive sickness of a son who functions as his mother's husband, confidant, friend, and financier has got to stop.  It's embarrassing.   I want my sons to find a wife and get some favor.  I don't expect them to be in love with me for the rest of their lives. I do expect them to love and respect me. But they will hopefully one day have their own lives, one in which I am an admiring bystander and an occasional shot from the press box or segment on ESPN.

Peyton Manning and his WIFE, Ashley
Why do I know these women?  Gloria James, Ethel Ann Iverson, Wilma McNabb and most recently Pamela McGee, JaVale McGee's mother.  This isn't little league where the team mom is to be revered for bringing snacks and wiping noses. These are grown men who should love and respect their mothers. Mothers who should gracefully sit with pride as they watch their sons mature into viable citizens and hold a legacy in the community. If that's asking too much, then simply use his money to develop a life of your own not paralleled with your child's success. If you can't do that, then just sit down somewhere.

By the way, who is Dirk Nowitzki's mother?  She was a famous German National basketball player. I looked it up. And guess what? I couldn't even find a picture. Hmmmmm.  Just in case I was wrong I googled NHL moms and found that the Chicago Blackhawks took the moms on a road trip. That's all. MLB moms, same kind of stuff. So before we start beating down Hollywood on their portrayal of Black motherhood, I guess we may want to check their sources. They just may have googled "NBA moms" and came up with 36 million hits to tweet. Speaking of tweeting. Anyone know Larry Bird's mom?

Is He (or She) Toxic?

Author Lillian Glass, wrote a book called Toxic Men.  I recommend any woman who is addicted to an unhealthy relationship to read the book, understand its content, and change your behavior.  Toxic men have a combination of four traits:

#1 Cause negative emotions in you
#2 Behave badly towards you
#3 Affect your behavior in a negative way
#4 Lower your self-esteem

By Sara Apples

He causes negative emotions in you

All men can get on your nerves at times, but if you find yourself in a constant state of emotional flux you need to pause and consider what the relationship is doing to your psyche and wellness.  My experience with the toxic man caused me great unrest.  I was either really happy or in great pain. It was exhausting. The percentage of time I left his home with a large pit in my stomach and tears in my eyes far outweigh the times I left with a good feeling about our relationship.  But I loved him and I wanted to make it work.  Finally, my emotions became so erratic that I didn't recognize myself.  I knew the relationship was unhealthy for me but I couldn't bring myself to end it.  The memory of the good times (and the incredible sex)  pulled me back, only to end up crying and questioning the relationship once again.  It was a vicious cycle. 

He behaves badly towards you 

We are human and we sometimes hurt each other unintentionally, but constant bad behavior warrants an immediate dismissal.  My toxic man was very critical of me. He minimized my intelligence (as if) and demeaned my womanhood because of my strong personality.  He tried to control me by setting "rules" for phone behavior and selecting my friends.  He lied. He cheated. He schemed. I was blinded by the big "O" and made dumb by the achievement of finding my G-spot.  But eventually even Lebron fouls out and I had to say "Buh-Bye" to Bad Boy. 

He affects your behavior in a negative way

The toxic man caused me to behave in ways I previously found to be unacceptable.  From tapping his phone line to shelling out hundreds of dollars for a private investigator, I felt like I had lowered myself to be with him. Actually, just being with him was a betrayal of my values.  It was demeaning and I felt embarrassed by my behavior.  I'd rather skip the rest of the details on this one. 

He lowers your self-esteem
Okay, so it's no secret I think pretty highly of who God has made me and I like who I am as a person.  So fortunately, the toxic man was not able to lower my self-esteem. Although I did question my true esteem for staying in an unhealthy relationship as long as I did.  A woman can forget how capable she is because a toxic man has duped her into believing that she is worthless without him. 

I felt powerless to end this relationship until one day I simply bottomed out.  It took a few more weeks but I finally just hung up the phone one day and moved on. Sometimes, I think of  the fun we had and the intense romance. It makes me smile. Then I quickly remind myself of the intense pain I felt on so many occasions.  My parents raised a princess, not a piƱata.