Santa Clause, The Tooth Fairy, and The Single Relationship Expert

I would like for a woman who did things "God's way" to tell me how she GOT her husband. I want the story in past tense and I want it to be 100% TRUE.  Don't leave out that you gave him hand jobs and blow jobs while maintaining your virginity.  Don't leave out the frustration and loneliness you felt along the way. Single women, who have never been married and give advice on how to get a man are really starting to annoy me.  How in the world are you writing books and blogs on how to get the man "God's Way" and you don't have the man yet?  You are clowning on God's abilities.

First of all, you don't manipulate God with your behavior. If God still required sacrifices in order to secure our blessings we would be over run by floods, locusts, and fire.  Secondly,  if you've been such a good girl and God honors behavior then why don't you have a man? You clearly want one because you keep talking and writing about it.  You're well past 30 and have never had a serious man in your life, yet you keep talking about how God is going to bring him to you because you are doing things "God's way".  Is God just messing with you? Teasing you? Perfecting you at the ripe (and rather late child bearing) age of 45? You're witness is whack! You need to check out "Am I single because of the Black Church?" 

I was recently called a relationship expert because I've had "tons of boyfriends and two marriages."  Okay, "tons" is bit excessive and "boyfriends" is definitely off the mark.  "Droves" is probably more accurate and "male acquaintances" is best fitting.  I cannot tell you how to have a good relationship because each relationship is different. My interests are not just romantic relationships but how we all relate to one another, in general.  Relationship expert? No. Experienced in dealing with men in friendships, family and romance. Definitely!

In his book, Outliers, Malcolm Gladwell defines an expert as someone who puts in 10,000 hours or more on a subject.  Dealing with my father, step-father, two husbands, four fianc├ęs, two sons, three brothers, brother-in-law, three godsons, four uncles, eight bosses, six nephews along with the "droves" we discussed above, I have put in at least 250,000 hours with men. I don't know how to braid hair but I grill a mean steak and have a strong opinion on the BCS vs play-off debate.  

So, yes. When I see a woman who has never had a romantic relationship with a man, has no brothers, or relationship with her father proclaim to be a relationship expert it makes me cringe.  Then when you throw God in the mix, making the Almighty look like he is reneging on your good deeds it vexes me. Yes, those of us who love God often try to abide by the rules.  I know I did. But I still ended up having sex with a young deacon on the kitchen table after 7 months of abstinence in our relationship.  It happens!  We break the rules. But thank God that those rules do not determine whether or not we end up living our lives with a wonderful companion. We are human and have many flaws which is why relationships require wisdom and understanding.  Wisdom and understanding that can only be gained by actually being in relationships with others instead of being frowned up on the couch with your bible and hoping Idris Elba pops up at your door.

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