I recently had a discussion with a private investigator that proved to be very interesting. She said that 9 of 10 people (men and women) that come to her with suspicion of a cheating mate find out they were right. It reminded me of something one of my female colleagues told me. If you think a man is cheating, he is. I ran that little tid bit by my PI friend and she explained it in a more concrete way. She said that if it were not for the need to sustain a living doing investigative work, she would tell every concerned spouse this..."Chances are if you feel so strongly that your spouse is cheating that it landed you in my office, there is no doubt they are cheating." It made such logical sense.
As I drove home I thought about what she said. It was true. We know when someone is cheating but we always want the proof. But why is that? I have a couple of theories. The first hypothesis is that we are actually looking in the hopes that we are wrong. So even though our gut and our good sense tell us that something is not right, until we see some evidence we allow ourselves to remain in a painful state of emotion. My second theory is that we actually do not want to be with the person so finding the evidence of cheating gives us a reason to end the relationship.
Most of the time if you are snooping around you will find something. The question you must ask yourself before you begin your quest is do you want to remain in the relationship or not. If you are in such turmoil that you are hacking into email accounts and voicemail systems, gather your emotions and make a real assessment about the relationship. If you know you are not leaving then spare yourself the misery and do not snoop. If you want to end the relationship, do not look for excuses to mask your intentions. You are an adult and do not need to justify your feelings to anyone but yourself. If you want to say, do so. If you want to go...go. Be fearless.