The End of Jealousy is "Lousy"

The Real Wives of Somerset County

I wish every woman possessed the assurance of self that she could be comfortable in her own skin.  You cannot let the beauty, grace, or perfect spiral curls of another woman provoke you to jealousy or desperation.  Your gifts and talents are yours alone. Celebrate them without infringing on the glory of the woman next to you.  You are fabulous in your own way. Find what you have that works and work it!

Look at yourself and find the uniqueness in your beauty and character.  Is a smile?  Your eyes? Are you a giver? Are you funny? Empathetic?  You have something valuable in you. Find it.  Do not set the value of your self-worth based upon what you see in the next woman.  Don’t measure your success against another woman. Define success for yourself.  You have a destiny that is all your own.  Your value has to be inside of you otherwise your self-image with shift with every passing season that your ankles swell and your thighs jiggle.  

People, who see me at this point in life, have no idea of the road I’ve traveled.  My story makes me who I am and if you want to be like me then you have to walk the road I’ve walked.  Trust me! It’s not for the faint of heart.  You may have known me since I was ten years old and have no idea who I am and how I got here. Ladies, be careful of envying another woman’s world.  You may not be built for it. Stay in the lane God created for you. That’s the lane where you will win.

If you measure yourself by your God-given potential, you will protect yourself from the hateful venom that often spews from feminine jealousy. This jealousy will inevitably stifle your relationships because you won’t be able to stomach being around confident, happy, successful women.  If you are not happy with yourself then you are unable to be happy for anyone else. You should rejoice in the beauty and success of all of your girlfriends.  But first, learn to rejoice in the beauty of you. Otherwise that jealousy could end up “lousy” for you and everyone around you. 

Women Can Be Difficult. Duh!

20 plus years of friendship and still going strong

I am so blessed to have loving, supportive, confident women in my life. My girlfriends are FABULOUS!  It's unfortunate that all women don't realize how powerful, beautiful, and marvelous it is to be a woman. Instead, they choose to be… "difficult". 

  The Bible says it is better to live on the corner of the roof top than to share a house with a quarrelsome woman. (Prov 21:9) I classify difficult women by the kind of bag they carry...

The Trash Bag  Girlfriend has been so demoralized by men that her esteem is five below zero.  She thinks so poorly of herself that for a large pizza and a six pack of Corona she is yours for the night. Daddy didn't love you. Mama didn't want you. Poor child, I wish you loved yourself.

The Paper Bag  WEAK! Whiners carry the paper bag. If the slightest amount of pressure is applied to her life, the bottom falls out from beneath her and the drama begins. Watch out Paper Bag! You are the perfect target for “Captain Save-a-ho" and he ain’t nothing nice.

The Plastic Bag  Mami, we see right through you. You don't know who you are. As the crowd goes you follow.  You can't answer the question, "you want fries with that?" without looking to your social circle for help.  She needs to take some time to build her own identity.

The Punching Bag  This woman cannot stop running her mouth, woofing about who and what she is going to do. She talks  a good game and prides yourself on beating down the esteem of others.  You let everyone know that you don’t need us and you can “do bad by yourself”. You are busy trying to earn love and respect, through fear and intimidation. How’s that working for ya?

The Knock-off Bag  Exactly!!!  Girl, keep it real.  This woman is always talking about...talking about doing something, but never accomplishing anything. She can lie between raindrops. I certainly understand  the whole “fake it 'til you make it”, but I  just can't take it anymore.  You used to date Jay-Z,  Dwight Howard, and Barack...I got it.  USED TO!  There are girls you marry and girls you don't. You would be the latter. No man is going to spend the rest of his life chasing your waterfalls.

The Diaper Bag  He's not your child he's your mate.  

The Gym Bag  You can't carry your stuff to my house, dump, and then leave me all stressed out.

Miss Money Bags   You can't buy true friends or true love.  If we like you, we like you. If we don't, we don't. 

The Dirt Bag  You’re a grimy hood chick and I know you will “do” me in a minute if it benefits you.

How Spanxx Ruined my Lunch

The Jersey shore has become quite famous as of late since Snookie and 'em hit the TV. So I decided to head "down the shore" for lunch on the beach. If Miami's South Beach is known for it's beautiful breasts then the Jersey shore is most likely known for its bulging bellys. My lunch at the beach turned out to be one big "C'mon son" (to quote Ed Lover).

Young girls in bikinis with stomachs hanging over proudly displayed jiggling thighs with cellulite and enough back fat for a Thanksgiving pot of collard greens. The beaches on the Jersey shore are a clear indication that obesity is prevalent in the US. But it is not the fault of these poor misguided beach bunnies. It is our fault -the grown women who would rather squeeze into a spandex sock than hit the gym for aerobics or simply hit the floor for cruntches. When I say OUR i mean y'all because your girl does not own a pair of Spanxx and I am proud to say it.

The ol' six pact has become a nice, smooth, slightly convex tummy that still rocks a bikini with a VS mid scoop bottom. But I am over 35 years old and have had two kids. There is no reason for a healthy 14 year old girl to be overweight except that her mother doesn't make her exercise nor make her eat right. Why? Because mama throws on her Spanxx in the morning and goes out the door- a facade of fabulosity.

Hair weaves, wigs, fake nails, and body shapers have made us loose focus on what is most important- our physical health and well being, not just our physical appearance. That extra ring around your waist has been proven to lower your life expectancy and increase your risk of cardiovascular disease. You don't have to ditch the Spanxx, but you do need to lead a healthy life. Let's face it. We, chicks in our prime can use extra support because things aren't as tight as when we were younger. But lets set an example for the young girls by caring enough to care for ourselves. Then, we grant them permission to do the same by example.

Tell 'em Kamryn Said It!

"There are guys you marry and guys you don't. There are women who will and women who won't. Some women who won't will do a don't if she doesn't have a do to do that day. Girls who won't will never say I do to a don't."

- Tell 'em Kamryn said it!

Her Husband is NOT your Boyfriend!

Am I being a bit judgmental? Probably, Single women who refer to another woman’s husband as her “boyfriend” are delusional and quite frankly, stupid.  

Summertime is an excellent time for single women to see the true loyalties of their “boyfriends”.  Cheaters show you their priorities.  If he is hiding the affair from his spouse then the spouse is the priority, not you mama. Try this test. Ask your “boyfriend” if he will take you to a local restaurant where he can be seen - say a neighboring Applebee’s. See what happens.  If he looks at you like you have three heads and no brain, then you have a clear answer that you are merely someone he’s using to pass time. 

If he passes that test, good for you. Try again during the holidays.  Holidays, like no other time, should give you a clear understanding of where you fit in the picture. Did you spend Valentine ’s Day (not the day after or the day before) together? Christmas day?  If he never makes time for you on important days, he is NOT someone you should be planning a life with, baby girl. Think Kenneth/Savannah in “Waiting to Exhale”.

If dating married men is what you want to do, then be sure that you understand your position as understudy. And no matter how long the affair lasts, don’t ever think you have a future with him.  Only one percent of affairs end in marriage and of those only five percent remain without divorce. Not exactly strong odds for you, girlfriend.   If you decide to do this - for heaven’s sake don’t try to compete with the wife and DEFINTELY don’t compete with the children’s quality time.

It is summertime. It’s a time for love and laughter but you, my friend, will spend many lonely nights watching Desperate Housewives, while dreaming of someone else’s husband.  Please understand that this is YOUR choice. You’ve decided to share a man and play back-up quarterback when you could be a starter in someone else’s life.  When your girlfriends ask you how your weekend was.   Your answer won’t be “He went to Jared”.  It will be “He went home…again.” 

Is your iPad is better than my vagina?

I have seen it all. I read a commentary In the New Yorker that said we are becoming a sexless nation due to technology. Apparently the former nation of bra burners and free sex has become libido-less with free text messaging. Does a man really prefer the smooth feel of his new iPad than that of my chocolate thighs? Maybe.

These days your man can have "sex" with a cyber babe that doesn't talk back or require reciprocity of orgasm. And ladies, that new Mac can offer pages and pages of loyal men who will be there every time you click in. If you are more the relationship type, Facebook and Twitter may garner you hundreds, even thousands, of people to talk to everyday. But what about human intimacy?

There is not a intel processor in the universe that can deliver the warmth and safety of a women's vagina. I don't know of any nations that will fight over an iPod touch, but decade long wars are fought over women. The very existence of technology is spawned in the pursuit of a woman's touch. Bill Gates and Steve Jobs continue their pursuit of success for one foundational reason...coochie! More gadgets, more money, more money, more power and prestige, more p&p leads to getting plenty of the other "P".

Think I'm lying? Ladies, the next time your man is in the midst of his most crucial moments of Call of Duty "Black Ops" unzip his pants and offer to give him a lil bit. See what happens. The creative mind behind Xbox will probably tell you that was the reason they started putting SSD cards in game consoles. ;)