Fearless, Fabulous Living vs Cowardice Consequences

Bravery is having the courage to do things that you do not have to do in life. Dating, marriage, having children and buying a home all require a level of bravery. These are relatively common fears to overcome. But what about the really tough stuff? The stuff you don't talk, text, or tweet about to anyone. What about the decisions that arise between doing what's right for us vs what may serve the greater good? How often do we take the cowardly route to decision making to ease our own (sometimes irrational/sometimes justified) fears?

You want examples?

Our fear of poverty drives our level of charity. We don't give as much as we could because we need to save our money in case something happens. Our fear of poverty drives our level of charity.

Our fear of judgement drives our level of truth. We lie to those we feel may retaliate, leave us, or think poorly of our truth. We often lie to others to gain acceptance, keep up appearances, or simply keep ourselves in a comfortable position - out of trouble.

Our fear of being alone drives our decision in a mate. We often miss out on a wonderful relationship because we weren't brave enough to wait for what we wanted or deserved.

Our fear of failure drives our level of success. Rather than maxing out the gifts and talents God has given you, you stay in a comfortable level of Fabulosity that you can maintain. Instead of going in there and demanding the raise you deserve you take what they give you for fear of losing your job.

These are just a few examples of our lack of bravery in living life. But I am sure you can think of many more. The next time you are faced with a decision ask yourself, "Am I doing this because I am afraid?" Once you begin the road of fearless living, you will be free and fabulous. You will be full of joy in the toughest of times because you will know that you are a battle tested warrior for the cause of life. Be fearless!

Nature, Nurture, and Your Fabulous Self

Who are you?  You are a combination of your life experiences and the genetic pool that was constructed before you ever hit the blue drape. You are...who you are and you should love it. At a minimum, you should accept it.

During my so-called "childhood", I was immersed into adult scenarios, situations, problems, and predicaments. But don't shed a tear for me. Those same scenarios helped me to realize that I was a relatively privileged child. Despite all of that "stuff" I had an adolescence filled with fun, laughter, learning, and confidence building experiences. I was blessed to have parents who demanded only the best from me academically and socially. I had an extended family and friends that adored me, building my confidence with every passing year.  My brain was trained to compartmentalize life's issues while driving toward achievement of  my goals. These are life skills I use daily. Nurture.

I was also created with what I consider a pretty damn good set of genes-minus a few health related mishaps and this hideous pubescent male bellow I have for a laugh. My innate intelligence is an inherited trait that was nurtured into something great because my parents recognized my cognitive ability. My IQ is....none of your business. But it's more than a hundred points higher than my age- which is also none of your business.  Don't forget the American myopic standard of beauty, by which I am considered one of the "beautiful people".  Nature.

It's not nature vs. nurture. It's nature AND nurture. Together, in perfect balance, they make you who you are and you need to start appreciating the time God took to make you special. Stop complaining about your parents. They were just the two people to give you a cleft chin, long eyelashes and screw you up enough to build some critical problem solving skills. I know you grew up poor, but  now you are thriving in this "recession" because you learned to hold on to a dollar bill so tight that President Washington screamed.  You are quirky. We all are. You have some "stuff" from your nature and "issues" from your nurture that make you the perfect candidate to be YOU.  If you have things you want to change about yourself, go ahead and try it. But if it doesn't work out, don't beat yourself up about it. You are who you are and who you are is who you were created to be. Got it? Good.

Tell 'em Kamryn said it.

Success is A Hard Choice

I fly high with eagles and so my vision is keen. God created me with a large portion of empathy...which is truly a gift and a curse. I try to help others fly high in their own paths but once I see you are more comfortable with the pigeons or you think you can get waaaaay up here by talking instead of walking I have to let you go. The evidence of your effort surrounds you. Look at your life. Are you where you want to be? If not start with just a few simple things.

First, get your heart right FOR REAL. Until you can be real with your internal feelings the rest is futile. Stop saying you are not a hater because that burning feeling when you see someone in abundant peace and joy is hate. That urge you have to criticize the personality and choices of someone who is happy with themselves is hate. Once you can keep it a hundred with yourself, which is hard to do, then you have to begin making the hard choices.

Re-evaluate your friendships. Get rid of people who pull you down and aren't on the same plan as you. If you love Jesus and they glamorize Lucifer it isn't going to work. If you believe in hard work and they believe in "fake it til you make it" then you have to cut them loose.

Re-prioritize your family. Your extended family has made choices that may differ from your own. You cannot pull them along to your detriment. That includes freeing yourself from financial and emotional bondage caused by the choices of others. When your sister chooses to pay her $600 car payment and asks you to pay her rent, say NO.

Learn to sacrifice. Have a savings plan to get what you want and need. Buy property before your luxury car. Everyone knows I love shoes, bags, and things. But I bought my first single family home at 29 and my first town home at 27. After that I bought my Benz, BMW, Volvo and other non-appreciating assets like Louis Vuitton bags and Chanel sandals. Prioritize! ( if you have that burning feeling right now, you need to check yourself)

Do not be led by your feelings. Feelings are over-rated and I have never met a successful person who always chooses fun and feeling over doing the hard work. When you "feel" something take the time to research, plan, and evaluate if your "feeling" is substantiated.

Be resilient. You are going to suffer set backs along the way. You may take a well meaning detour or two but do not lose focus on what you want for your life. Protect your destiny at all costs. Life is real and real stuff happens. Keep your head out of the clouds and your mind set in faith to achieve all the you want to achieve. Keep making hard choices to get back on track. DON'T EVER GIVE UP!

The End of Jealousy is "Lousy"

The Real Wives of Somerset County

I wish every woman possessed the assurance of self that she could be comfortable in her own skin.  You cannot let the beauty, grace, or perfect spiral curls of another woman provoke you to jealousy or desperation.  Your gifts and talents are yours alone. Celebrate them without infringing on the glory of the woman next to you.  You are fabulous in your own way. Find what you have that works and work it!

Look at yourself and find the uniqueness in your beauty and character.  Is a smile?  Your eyes? Are you a giver? Are you funny? Empathetic?  You have something valuable in you. Find it.  Do not set the value of your self-worth based upon what you see in the next woman.  Don’t measure your success against another woman. Define success for yourself.  You have a destiny that is all your own.  Your value has to be inside of you otherwise your self-image with shift with every passing season that your ankles swell and your thighs jiggle.  

People, who see me at this point in life, have no idea of the road I’ve traveled.  My story makes me who I am and if you want to be like me then you have to walk the road I’ve walked.  Trust me! It’s not for the faint of heart.  You may have known me since I was ten years old and have no idea who I am and how I got here. Ladies, be careful of envying another woman’s world.  You may not be built for it. Stay in the lane God created for you. That’s the lane where you will win.

If you measure yourself by your God-given potential, you will protect yourself from the hateful venom that often spews from feminine jealousy. This jealousy will inevitably stifle your relationships because you won’t be able to stomach being around confident, happy, successful women.  If you are not happy with yourself then you are unable to be happy for anyone else. You should rejoice in the beauty and success of all of your girlfriends.  But first, learn to rejoice in the beauty of you. Otherwise that jealousy could end up “lousy” for you and everyone around you. 

Women Can Be Difficult. Duh!

20 plus years of friendship and still going strong

I am so blessed to have loving, supportive, confident women in my life. My girlfriends are FABULOUS!  It's unfortunate that all women don't realize how powerful, beautiful, and marvelous it is to be a woman. Instead, they choose to be… "difficult". 

  The Bible says it is better to live on the corner of the roof top than to share a house with a quarrelsome woman. (Prov 21:9) I classify difficult women by the kind of bag they carry...

The Trash Bag  Girlfriend has been so demoralized by men that her esteem is five below zero.  She thinks so poorly of herself that for a large pizza and a six pack of Corona she is yours for the night. Daddy didn't love you. Mama didn't want you. Poor child, I wish you loved yourself.

The Paper Bag  WEAK! Whiners carry the paper bag. If the slightest amount of pressure is applied to her life, the bottom falls out from beneath her and the drama begins. Watch out Paper Bag! You are the perfect target for “Captain Save-a-ho" and he ain’t nothing nice.

The Plastic Bag  Mami, we see right through you. You don't know who you are. As the crowd goes you follow.  You can't answer the question, "you want fries with that?" without looking to your social circle for help.  She needs to take some time to build her own identity.

The Punching Bag  This woman cannot stop running her mouth, woofing about who and what she is going to do. She talks  a good game and prides yourself on beating down the esteem of others.  You let everyone know that you don’t need us and you can “do bad by yourself”. You are busy trying to earn love and respect, through fear and intimidation. How’s that working for ya?

The Knock-off Bag  Exactly!!!  Girl, keep it real.  This woman is always talking about...talking about doing something, but never accomplishing anything. She can lie between raindrops. I certainly understand  the whole “fake it 'til you make it”, but I  just can't take it anymore.  You used to date Jay-Z,  Dwight Howard, and Barack...I got it.  USED TO!  There are girls you marry and girls you don't. You would be the latter. No man is going to spend the rest of his life chasing your waterfalls.

The Diaper Bag  He's not your child he's your mate.  

The Gym Bag  You can't carry your stuff to my house, dump, and then leave me all stressed out.

Miss Money Bags   You can't buy true friends or true love.  If we like you, we like you. If we don't, we don't. 

The Dirt Bag  You’re a grimy hood chick and I know you will “do” me in a minute if it benefits you.

How Spanxx Ruined my Lunch

The Jersey shore has become quite famous as of late since Snookie and 'em hit the TV. So I decided to head "down the shore" for lunch on the beach. If Miami's South Beach is known for it's beautiful breasts then the Jersey shore is most likely known for its bulging bellys. My lunch at the beach turned out to be one big "C'mon son" (to quote Ed Lover).

Young girls in bikinis with stomachs hanging over proudly displayed jiggling thighs with cellulite and enough back fat for a Thanksgiving pot of collard greens. The beaches on the Jersey shore are a clear indication that obesity is prevalent in the US. But it is not the fault of these poor misguided beach bunnies. It is our fault -the grown women who would rather squeeze into a spandex sock than hit the gym for aerobics or simply hit the floor for cruntches. When I say OUR i mean y'all because your girl does not own a pair of Spanxx and I am proud to say it.

The ol' six pact has become a nice, smooth, slightly convex tummy that still rocks a bikini with a VS mid scoop bottom. But I am over 35 years old and have had two kids. There is no reason for a healthy 14 year old girl to be overweight except that her mother doesn't make her exercise nor make her eat right. Why? Because mama throws on her Spanxx in the morning and goes out the door- a facade of fabulosity.

Hair weaves, wigs, fake nails, and body shapers have made us loose focus on what is most important- our physical health and well being, not just our physical appearance. That extra ring around your waist has been proven to lower your life expectancy and increase your risk of cardiovascular disease. You don't have to ditch the Spanxx, but you do need to lead a healthy life. Let's face it. We, chicks in our prime can use extra support because things aren't as tight as when we were younger. But lets set an example for the young girls by caring enough to care for ourselves. Then, we grant them permission to do the same by example.

Tell 'em Kamryn Said It!

"There are guys you marry and guys you don't. There are women who will and women who won't. Some women who won't will do a don't if she doesn't have a do to do that day. Girls who won't will never say I do to a don't."

- Tell 'em Kamryn said it!

Her Husband is NOT your Boyfriend!

Am I being a bit judgmental? Probably, Single women who refer to another woman’s husband as her “boyfriend” are delusional and quite frankly, stupid.  

Summertime is an excellent time for single women to see the true loyalties of their “boyfriends”.  Cheaters show you their priorities.  If he is hiding the affair from his spouse then the spouse is the priority, not you mama. Try this test. Ask your “boyfriend” if he will take you to a local restaurant where he can be seen - say a neighboring Applebee’s. See what happens.  If he looks at you like you have three heads and no brain, then you have a clear answer that you are merely someone he’s using to pass time. 

If he passes that test, good for you. Try again during the holidays.  Holidays, like no other time, should give you a clear understanding of where you fit in the picture. Did you spend Valentine ’s Day (not the day after or the day before) together? Christmas day?  If he never makes time for you on important days, he is NOT someone you should be planning a life with, baby girl. Think Kenneth/Savannah in “Waiting to Exhale”.

If dating married men is what you want to do, then be sure that you understand your position as understudy. And no matter how long the affair lasts, don’t ever think you have a future with him.  Only one percent of affairs end in marriage and of those only five percent remain without divorce. Not exactly strong odds for you, girlfriend.   If you decide to do this - for heaven’s sake don’t try to compete with the wife and DEFINTELY don’t compete with the children’s quality time.

It is summertime. It’s a time for love and laughter but you, my friend, will spend many lonely nights watching Desperate Housewives, while dreaming of someone else’s husband.  Please understand that this is YOUR choice. You’ve decided to share a man and play back-up quarterback when you could be a starter in someone else’s life.  When your girlfriends ask you how your weekend was.   Your answer won’t be “He went to Jared”.  It will be “He went home…again.” 

Is your iPad is better than my vagina?

I have seen it all. I read a commentary In the New Yorker that said we are becoming a sexless nation due to technology. Apparently the former nation of bra burners and free sex has become libido-less with free text messaging. Does a man really prefer the smooth feel of his new iPad than that of my chocolate thighs? Maybe.

These days your man can have "sex" with a cyber babe that doesn't talk back or require reciprocity of orgasm. And ladies, that new Mac can offer pages and pages of loyal men who will be there every time you click in. If you are more the relationship type, Facebook and Twitter may garner you hundreds, even thousands, of people to talk to everyday. But what about human intimacy?

There is not a intel processor in the universe that can deliver the warmth and safety of a women's vagina. I don't know of any nations that will fight over an iPod touch, but decade long wars are fought over women. The very existence of technology is spawned in the pursuit of a woman's touch. Bill Gates and Steve Jobs continue their pursuit of success for one foundational reason...coochie! More gadgets, more money, more money, more power and prestige, more p&p leads to getting plenty of the other "P".

Think I'm lying? Ladies, the next time your man is in the midst of his most crucial moments of Call of Duty "Black Ops" unzip his pants and offer to give him a lil bit. See what happens. The creative mind behind Xbox will probably tell you that was the reason they started putting SSD cards in game consoles. ;)

The Powerless Nature of "I'm sorry"

Words have power.  You can get metaphysical, spiritual, or just commonsensical with it. When you tell yourself you will do something, you usually do it.  When you say, "I think I'm getting sick" you usually end up sneezing within the hour.  Words carry the ability to shape your world. We let what people say to us shape our opinions of the world around us and sometimes our opinions of ourselves. 

If someone says to you "Oooo girl you are getting fat". You start sucking in your stomach and skipping dessert. If someone says, "You look good in that color" you go buy five dresses, a scarf, and two pairs of shoes in shimmering clown lilac.  Recently I got caught in the rain so I had my shoulder wrap over my head with my sunglasses on under the clouds. I felt awful and knew I looked horrible. UNTIL...I passed a young woman who whispered to her mate, "OMG! She looks fabulous".  Miraculously, I felt fabulous and morphed from soggy to sassy.  Words have power.

So why is it when someone says, "I'm sorry" we are unmoved. We've all told people that actions speak louder than words. When it comes to apologies most of us migrate to Missouri...Show Me!  A friend or mate can say the most hurtful thing that has the power to hurt your heart forever, but five minutes later when they say "I'm sorry" the words are completely powerless.  I am strictly speaking of apologies that follow words. If I find you in the bed with the babysitter or find out that the babysitter is your baby then your words move to flyweight status-weak .  But if you "say" something hurtful and then "say" you're sorry, why can't we accept that just as easily as we accepted the former?

I think I have come to a conclusion. It's not earth changing rocket science nor does it slide into the depths of Freud's psychology.  The reason your apology isn't as powerful as as your verbal assault is because I don't believe you. If I did, it would be more powerful than your initial comments. In the same way your assault wouldn't have affected me if I didn't in some way believe it were true.

The actual power is not in the words. It is in my belief of the words. So when say you're sorry, make me believe it.

I'm Sorry My Day is Better Than Yours (Not really)

If you didn't have any money, would you call up all your broke friends to go hang out?

Recently I had a conversation with a chick that was very annoyed at the fact that I never have a bad day. First of all, that's not neccessarily true. I have days that don't go the way I may want them to go.  For me, a day without dirt thrown on my casket is a workable day. I mean, you may have kool-aid and no sugar or peanut butter and no jelly....at least you've got something to work with for the day. Even a bad day has aspiration for getting better.

On the real, loving myself and my life is something I learned to do when I stopped letting the opinions (and words) of others dictate the course of my life.  "If I were you I would do this."  "Well, most people do that." If you have lemons make lemonade. I take it a step further and throw a little Grey Goose in mine to kick it up a notch. But that's just me... If you want to sit off in the corner and suck on your lemons all puckered up in the mouth then I won't bother you. But don't be mad at me.

People have been very vocal with criticism and judgement for the decisions I've made. One day I realized that these clowns would trade places with me in a New York minute. Hell, half the people who criticized my choices fought over the scraps I left behind. I looked back one day and realized that the ability to love what you got and make the most of it was a skill that the masses envy. I'm the type of girl that if you steal my shoes off my feet I will:  a) go buy a flyy pair to replace them b) chase you down and get my -ish back or c) turn walking barefoot into a hot new trend worthy of TMZ coverage.

Misery loves company is a cliche' but that doesn't mean that it's not true. For those of us with the "glass half full" mindset, it's counter intuitive to be miserable and surround yourself with other miserable people and things. Hell, if I'm miserable I want to be around the happiest people on earth. I'm taking my ass to DisneyWorld or something.